Fanfic: "You Are What You Eat"
Mar. 7th, 2010 02:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
knitchick1979Title: "You Are What You Eat"
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
knitchick1979
Characters: Owen, Jack, Ianto, Tosh, Gwen
Rating: R for language and a bit of graphic description
Spoilers: Through S2E1 "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang"
Summary: This is a sequel to my Lust story, "Through the Long and Winding Tunnel", since there seemed to be interest in seeing what happened next ;)
Author's notes: Thanks tohuskyfriends for the beta!
Owen struggled into the Hub with his armloads of groceries. He stumbled over to the ratty couch and dumped his armloads onto it, just as Ianto emerged from Autopsy.
"Hungry, are we?" Ianto asked dryly, taking in the litany of bags now laying on the couch.
Owen turned around and glared at Ianto. "Yeah, I heard you had plenty of work for me so I stocked up. What of it?"
"Nothing." Ianto looked as if he was going to say something, then shook his head. "There is a corpse waiting on your table and two more in freezer drawers three and four."
Owen grunted. "Let me put these away first."
Ianto held up a hand. "No need, I'll take care of it. Jack's waiting for you in Autopsy."
Owen groaned. Jack in Autopsy was never a good thing. "All right. Be careful, there's a carton of eggs in that brown bag."
Ianto nodded and Owen huffed off toward Autopsy, not even bothering to take his coat off. Jack was laying on one of the two gurneys in the room, his blue shirt soaked with dark blood stains, and a large gaping hole in his chest. The alien body on the other gurney looked just as bad.
"Geez, Harkness, what did you do this time?" Owen grumbled. He took his coat off and tossed it on the desk chair, exchanging it for his lab coat.
Jack didn't answer. Owen slipped on a pair of purple latex gloves and started cutting apart Jack's ruined shirt. As he pulled the shirt away from the edges of the massive wound, he spotted Jack's heart peeking out from behind severely damaged ribs and muscle, still and unmoving. Owen knew Jack couldn't die, he'd tested that ability himself, but it was still disconcerting to see his boss laying dead on the table like that.
Owen gently tugged the rest of the shirt off and started washing the dried blood off of Jack. He cleaned the wound and the area around it as best he could, then taped a large piece of gauze over the hole to keep it clean until Jack could fully heal.
He then turned to the alien. Before he could start dissecting, his stomach growled. "Snack time!" Owen announced to no one and removed his gloves, heading to the tiny kitchenette to grab some of the food he'd bought.
Ianto was carefully folding the grocery bags that were now emptied of groceries. He looked up as Owen entered and one eyebrow shot up. "Done already?"
"No. Cleaned up Jack and now I'm taking a break. Where is that packet of crisps?"
Ianto walked over to an overhead cabinet and retrieved the crisps, handing the packet to Owen.
"Thanks." Owen opened the bag and shoved a handful in his mouth as he walked across to the refrigerator to retrieve a beer.
"No alcohol, remember?" Ianto swiped the drink from his hand and replaced it with a bottle of apple juice. "If I can't have coffee until we find this alien baby, you can't have beer."
"Must you always be such a know-it-all?" Owen snapped and headed back down to Autopsy without giving Ianto a chance to answer.
Jack was sitting up on the gurney now, clutching at his still-healing chest. Owen set his drink and snack down on a clear corner of his desk.
"You finally returned." Jack's gaze was cold. "Where were you?"
"You're welcome," Owen said. "I did clean you up, if you hadn't noticed, I just got hungry."
"We could have used a hand," Jack said, then gasped as his chest pulled together. "Ianto said you had gone shopping."
"Yeah, I needed some food, what of it?" Owen asked. He took a slug of the apple juice and made a face. "So, how did you get carved open anyway?"
Jack rolled his eyes. "Trying to keep big ugly there from chewing up Ianto and Tosh. They outnumbered us."
Owen didn't answer as he slid on a fresh pair of latex gloves. He walked over to the alien body and took a close look. "Looks like you did a number on big ugly as well."
"I had to."
Owen grunted in response. He picked up a scalpel and deftly sliced open the alien's chest. Jack watched as he liberated a Torchwood-issue bullet from the depth's of the alien's chest. "I believe that settles cause of death."
"You think?" Jack quipped, then groaned in pain.
"You better lie down, you managed to do some real damage this time," Owen said. "The world's not ending, you can lay down for half an hour."
"Sure, I can now," Jack snapped, but he lay back down on the gurney anyway.
~ * ~
A few hours later, Tosh and Gwen walked in with Chinese take out to find Owen sitting on the couch, polishing off his last bag of crisps. Mounds of empty crisp packets and candy wrappers lay scattered around his feet.
"Owen, where's Jack and Ianto?" Tosh asked.
"Last I looked, Jack's office, practicing their own form of healing," Owen replied. "Is that dinner?"
"Yes," Gwen said, eyeing Owen with her pop-eyed expression. "You can't possibly still be hungry!"
"I am. What of it?" Owen griped. "Where are you going with that food?"
"The conference room, where we usually eat. You can wait ten minutes," Gwen admonished, heading for the conference room while Tosh headed in the direction of Jack's office.
Owen stuck his tongue out at Gwen's retreating back.
"Oh and Owen, you'd best pick up all of your garbage before Ianto sees it and denies you dinner!" Gwen called over her shoulder.
~ * ~
"Owen, do you want to tell me something?"
Owen turned away from his computer screen to see Jack and Ianto standing there. He folded his arms and glared at them. "About what?"
"You have already eaten approximately fifteen thousand calories in less than seven hours since you returned from shopping," Ianto said. "Is something wrong?"
"I'm hungry. That's all."
"You're developing a beer gut," Jack said, looking pointedly at Owen's midsection.
"Jack, you don't think..." Ianto began, his voice trailing off as he stared at Owen.
"I think we might have discovered which of you dealt with the mother alien a few weeks ago," Jack said.
"That would certainly explain the inexplicable hunger," Ianto replied.
"Wait, you're saying I'm eating everything in sight and getting fat because I have an alien in me?" Owen gasped.
"I think so," Jack said.
Owen stared at the two of them in disbelief. He didn't want to admit Jack was right, even though the Captain did seem to have plenty of knowledge of all sorts of alien species. He was about to question Jack's judgement when a stabbing pain shot through his abdomen.
"Owen? Are you all right?" Ianto asked as Owen doubled over.
"NO!"
"Labor pains, I bet," Jack said. "Come on, Doctor, time for Midwife Harkness to help you deliver."
Owen groaned, but was in too much pain to protest. Jack and Ianto created a chair with their arms and carefully carried Owen down to Autopsy, laying him down on the gurney. Owen screamed as another, more severe, pain shot through him. "DAMNIT! GIVE ME PAIN KILLERS!" he screamed at Jack.
"Sorry, can't. We don't have any pain killers that won't harm the baby," Jack said. "Ianto, best take off his jeans and shirt, I'm not quite sure where the baby is coming out."
"Harm the baby? Jack, it's not like I'm giving birth to your kid here. This is an alien whose parents gave us a lot of problems, remember?" Owen griped, then screamed as his body felt like it was being ripped apart.
"That was mom and dad, who says baby will be a troublemaker. Now, you should know how to breathe. That will help the pain," Jack said, sliding latex gloves on.
"Breathe? Who can breathe? This thing is kicking my lungs!"
Ianto rolled his eyes and carefully removed Owen's clothes, folding them neatly and placing them on the desk chair. He took the proffered gloves from Jack and slid them on. "What next, Jack?"
"Get that baby out before it kills Owen," Jack said quietly.
Owen shot Jack a shocked look, before another burst of pain caused him to pass out.
~ * ~
"Owen? Owen? Come on, wake up!"
Owen opened his eyes and squinted at the bright overhead lights. He saw Tosh leaning over him, worry etched in her face.
"Tosh? What happened?"
"You passed out while Jack and Ianto got the alien baby out of you," Tosh said softly. "It's on its way to Calapetus Prime, Jack was able to find some family members to send it to."
"Jack-fucking-Harkness, bloody Mary Poppins to the alien community," Owen spat. "How the hell did he get the baby out?"
Tosh smiled and stifled a giggle. "Um, I'm not sure you want to know," she said.
"No, I do want to know," Owen said.
Jack's voice came from the upper walkway. "Through your arse-hole."
FIN!
Author:
knitchick1979Characters: Owen, Jack, Ianto, Tosh, Gwen
Rating: R for language and a bit of graphic description
Spoilers: Through S2E1 "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang"
Summary: This is a sequel to my Lust story, "Through the Long and Winding Tunnel", since there seemed to be interest in seeing what happened next ;)
Author's notes: Thanks to
huskyfriends for the beta!Owen struggled into the Hub with his armloads of groceries. He stumbled over to the ratty couch and dumped his armloads onto it, just as Ianto emerged from Autopsy.
"Hungry, are we?" Ianto asked dryly, taking in the litany of bags now laying on the couch.
Owen turned around and glared at Ianto. "Yeah, I heard you had plenty of work for me so I stocked up. What of it?"
"Nothing." Ianto looked as if he was going to say something, then shook his head. "There is a corpse waiting on your table and two more in freezer drawers three and four."
Owen grunted. "Let me put these away first."
Ianto held up a hand. "No need, I'll take care of it. Jack's waiting for you in Autopsy."
Owen groaned. Jack in Autopsy was never a good thing. "All right. Be careful, there's a carton of eggs in that brown bag."
Ianto nodded and Owen huffed off toward Autopsy, not even bothering to take his coat off. Jack was laying on one of the two gurneys in the room, his blue shirt soaked with dark blood stains, and a large gaping hole in his chest. The alien body on the other gurney looked just as bad.
"Geez, Harkness, what did you do this time?" Owen grumbled. He took his coat off and tossed it on the desk chair, exchanging it for his lab coat.
Jack didn't answer. Owen slipped on a pair of purple latex gloves and started cutting apart Jack's ruined shirt. As he pulled the shirt away from the edges of the massive wound, he spotted Jack's heart peeking out from behind severely damaged ribs and muscle, still and unmoving. Owen knew Jack couldn't die, he'd tested that ability himself, but it was still disconcerting to see his boss laying dead on the table like that.
Owen gently tugged the rest of the shirt off and started washing the dried blood off of Jack. He cleaned the wound and the area around it as best he could, then taped a large piece of gauze over the hole to keep it clean until Jack could fully heal.
He then turned to the alien. Before he could start dissecting, his stomach growled. "Snack time!" Owen announced to no one and removed his gloves, heading to the tiny kitchenette to grab some of the food he'd bought.
Ianto was carefully folding the grocery bags that were now emptied of groceries. He looked up as Owen entered and one eyebrow shot up. "Done already?"
"No. Cleaned up Jack and now I'm taking a break. Where is that packet of crisps?"
Ianto walked over to an overhead cabinet and retrieved the crisps, handing the packet to Owen.
"Thanks." Owen opened the bag and shoved a handful in his mouth as he walked across to the refrigerator to retrieve a beer.
"No alcohol, remember?" Ianto swiped the drink from his hand and replaced it with a bottle of apple juice. "If I can't have coffee until we find this alien baby, you can't have beer."
"Must you always be such a know-it-all?" Owen snapped and headed back down to Autopsy without giving Ianto a chance to answer.
Jack was sitting up on the gurney now, clutching at his still-healing chest. Owen set his drink and snack down on a clear corner of his desk.
"You finally returned." Jack's gaze was cold. "Where were you?"
"You're welcome," Owen said. "I did clean you up, if you hadn't noticed, I just got hungry."
"We could have used a hand," Jack said, then gasped as his chest pulled together. "Ianto said you had gone shopping."
"Yeah, I needed some food, what of it?" Owen asked. He took a slug of the apple juice and made a face. "So, how did you get carved open anyway?"
Jack rolled his eyes. "Trying to keep big ugly there from chewing up Ianto and Tosh. They outnumbered us."
Owen didn't answer as he slid on a fresh pair of latex gloves. He walked over to the alien body and took a close look. "Looks like you did a number on big ugly as well."
"I had to."
Owen grunted in response. He picked up a scalpel and deftly sliced open the alien's chest. Jack watched as he liberated a Torchwood-issue bullet from the depth's of the alien's chest. "I believe that settles cause of death."
"You think?" Jack quipped, then groaned in pain.
"You better lie down, you managed to do some real damage this time," Owen said. "The world's not ending, you can lay down for half an hour."
"Sure, I can now," Jack snapped, but he lay back down on the gurney anyway.
~ * ~
A few hours later, Tosh and Gwen walked in with Chinese take out to find Owen sitting on the couch, polishing off his last bag of crisps. Mounds of empty crisp packets and candy wrappers lay scattered around his feet.
"Owen, where's Jack and Ianto?" Tosh asked.
"Last I looked, Jack's office, practicing their own form of healing," Owen replied. "Is that dinner?"
"Yes," Gwen said, eyeing Owen with her pop-eyed expression. "You can't possibly still be hungry!"
"I am. What of it?" Owen griped. "Where are you going with that food?"
"The conference room, where we usually eat. You can wait ten minutes," Gwen admonished, heading for the conference room while Tosh headed in the direction of Jack's office.
Owen stuck his tongue out at Gwen's retreating back.
"Oh and Owen, you'd best pick up all of your garbage before Ianto sees it and denies you dinner!" Gwen called over her shoulder.
~ * ~
"Owen, do you want to tell me something?"
Owen turned away from his computer screen to see Jack and Ianto standing there. He folded his arms and glared at them. "About what?"
"You have already eaten approximately fifteen thousand calories in less than seven hours since you returned from shopping," Ianto said. "Is something wrong?"
"I'm hungry. That's all."
"You're developing a beer gut," Jack said, looking pointedly at Owen's midsection.
"Jack, you don't think..." Ianto began, his voice trailing off as he stared at Owen.
"I think we might have discovered which of you dealt with the mother alien a few weeks ago," Jack said.
"That would certainly explain the inexplicable hunger," Ianto replied.
"Wait, you're saying I'm eating everything in sight and getting fat because I have an alien in me?" Owen gasped.
"I think so," Jack said.
Owen stared at the two of them in disbelief. He didn't want to admit Jack was right, even though the Captain did seem to have plenty of knowledge of all sorts of alien species. He was about to question Jack's judgement when a stabbing pain shot through his abdomen.
"Owen? Are you all right?" Ianto asked as Owen doubled over.
"NO!"
"Labor pains, I bet," Jack said. "Come on, Doctor, time for Midwife Harkness to help you deliver."
Owen groaned, but was in too much pain to protest. Jack and Ianto created a chair with their arms and carefully carried Owen down to Autopsy, laying him down on the gurney. Owen screamed as another, more severe, pain shot through him. "DAMNIT! GIVE ME PAIN KILLERS!" he screamed at Jack.
"Sorry, can't. We don't have any pain killers that won't harm the baby," Jack said. "Ianto, best take off his jeans and shirt, I'm not quite sure where the baby is coming out."
"Harm the baby? Jack, it's not like I'm giving birth to your kid here. This is an alien whose parents gave us a lot of problems, remember?" Owen griped, then screamed as his body felt like it was being ripped apart.
"That was mom and dad, who says baby will be a troublemaker. Now, you should know how to breathe. That will help the pain," Jack said, sliding latex gloves on.
"Breathe? Who can breathe? This thing is kicking my lungs!"
Ianto rolled his eyes and carefully removed Owen's clothes, folding them neatly and placing them on the desk chair. He took the proffered gloves from Jack and slid them on. "What next, Jack?"
"Get that baby out before it kills Owen," Jack said quietly.
Owen shot Jack a shocked look, before another burst of pain caused him to pass out.
~ * ~
"Owen? Owen? Come on, wake up!"
Owen opened his eyes and squinted at the bright overhead lights. He saw Tosh leaning over him, worry etched in her face.
"Tosh? What happened?"
"You passed out while Jack and Ianto got the alien baby out of you," Tosh said softly. "It's on its way to Calapetus Prime, Jack was able to find some family members to send it to."
"Jack-fucking-Harkness, bloody Mary Poppins to the alien community," Owen spat. "How the hell did he get the baby out?"
Tosh smiled and stifled a giggle. "Um, I'm not sure you want to know," she said.
"No, I do want to know," Owen said.
Jack's voice came from the upper walkway. "Through your arse-hole."
FIN!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-03-08 02:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-08 02:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-08 11:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-30 03:40 am (UTC)You are one sick, sick child, you do know that, right??? Cause this (and the prequel) are just great!!!! I'm so glad that it happened to Owen! I don't think Jack's libido could EVER recover from the shock of seeing an alien baby emerge from Ianto's..... well, you get my drift!
Job well done!!